Top fantasy players for 2012 at each major position.  QB, RB, R, TE, D, and my sleeper.  Obviously I’m leaving out the kicker as it doesn’t matter who you select, and let’s face it, the kicker is used to being left out. 

 

QB- Don’t gamble on “what-could-be’s” when you can pick proven winners.  Don’t take risks on Cam, Vick, Luck, or RGIII, even though they may have a tremendous upside.  If you do take a running QB that might gain you a few extra STDs  (Scrambling Touch Downs.  Not to be confused with the other STDs, like when Justin Blackmon had an “inner thigh infection” before the Fiesta Bowl) you’ll need a strong backup, as running QBs are more prone to injury.  Your top picks this year should include Tom Brady, the world’s perfect human being.  Drew Brees.  If you pass on Brees and he beats you like a mean bounty hunter, remember I told you so.  And lastly, how could you go wrong with Aaron Rodgers?  He’s going to give you a bunch of “STDs” (go ahead and laugh), and at least if he does have a bad year, you won’t have to stomach the fat “cheeseheads” chugging Milwaukee’s Best,  and screaming DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK every time he scores.  That got old in week 3 of last year.  Stop it people!  It's not cool anymore. 

RBs- Don’t lose sleep picking your  top running backs, as anyone in the top 15 could be this year’s #1. Including A.P. (His injury is making him work harder on being faster and stronger.  Scary.) Matt Forte, Chris Johnson, MJD (no matter who he might play for), LeSean McCoy, Jamaal Charles, Ray Rice, the list goes on...But for my fantasy entry money (Not true.  Everyone knows gambling outside of the gaming commission is illegal, and myself or my friends would never do this.) this year is going to be an even better year for Arian Foster.  He’ll win the rushing title, he can score on the ground and in the in air, and with no contract distractions and two good hamstrings (technically you have 3 in each leg, unless you’re Usain Bolt.  Then you have four.), he’s going to score you the most fantasy points. 

 

Receiver- Unlike the RBs, the receiving core gets thin right away after the big names are taken, and guesswork comes in.  But who is the best?  This one, in my opinion, is the only no-brainer, one-sided argument you can make.   Without fantasy points you could make a strong argument for Andre Johnson, Roddy White, and Larry Fitzgerald.  But White’s production should taper off due to the emergence of Julio Jones. Dre’ is 31 now, has battled injuries, and missed 12 games in the last two years.  And Fitzgerald, although reliable, and probably the best hands in the league, has declining numbers, mostly because the drummer for Def Leppard has a better arm than the jokers they have in Phoenix, to throw the ball to him.  Your number one fantasy receiver is an obvious choice:  Calvin Johnson, a.k.a. megatron, and should be a top 7 pick on your draft boards. 

 

TE- Jason Witten and Antonio Gates are great picks here, but the real question is Gronk vs. Jimmy Graham?  Gronk, Rob that is, not to be confused with his brothers Dan and Chris who also play TE and FB in the NFL.  Nice DNA Mr. Gronk, can I have some?  He’ll split catches with Aaron Hernandez, so conventional wisdom tells you to take the athletic Graham.  But how can you not like Gronk?  Just say it.  Gronk.  Cool huh?  He’s easy to root for because he drinks beer, dates porn stars, and gives interviews like the loveable dumb jock in H.S. that grew up to be the P.E teacher.  Last year he broke the record for TDs by a TE (18) and finished with more receiving yards than all but 5 wideouts!  Say it again…GRONK! 

 

D- The Niners finished first in D fantasy last year, returning all 11 starters, and are my pick to finish first again.  They only allowed 3 rushing TDs in all of 2011, and last year’s rookie Aldon Smith (14 sacks a year ago) is a year stronger, and wiser.  By “wiser” I mean he knows he earns enough money now that he doesn’t have to go to house parties to get drunk, where he might get stabbed….oh wait…

 

Sleeper Pick- Tired of being photo-shopped out of family pictures and always the one taking the pictures on family vacations, Cooper Manning spends the off season with Melky Cabrera and Lance Armstrong, comes out of “retirement,” and wins this year’s comeback player of the year award.  A year later we all wonder where he exactly “came back” from?