I'm
getting old. Do you know how I know? I hate Tim Duncan, and so do you. Tim
Duncan is not cool. Tim Duncan possesses exactly the same amount of
"swag" as mother Theresa. We hate Timmy because Timmy hates
attention. He's not on every commercial he can get his big hands on, like
Peyton Manning’s five-head. He doesn’t have a shoe deal. He doesn’t have
visible tattoos. He has 2 more career dunks, without having to jump, than
Britney Griner. He uses the glass. How un-cool is that. We hate him because he
plays for a boring team with boring colors. Think about it, “Black”, “White”,
and right in the middle “Grey?” He
doesn’t like interviews, talk-shows, pre or even post game conferences. He
doesn’t sag is skinny jeans, wear ridiculous outfits to the game for attention,
and actually took the stickers off the last baseball hat he was given, AND bent
the bill. Dork. He doesn’t have a record deal, or even a criminal record for
that matter? What a loser. He stays out of the limelight, and likes it that
way. But something occurred to me the other day; while I was too busy watching
all of the dunks on Sportscenter by guys that can’t shoot free throws. And
listening to the announcers call J.R. Smiths 7-24 shooting performance a
"spark" in the offense, Timmy is one of the greatest big forwards to
ever play, and we shouldn’t take him for granted.
Duncan himself commented on his "boring" image, stating:
"If you show excitement, then you also may show disappointment or
frustration. If your opponent picks up on this frustration, you are at a
disadvantage.” Sports journalist Kevin Kernan commented on his ability to relax
and stay focused, stating that having a degree in psychology; Duncan often not
only outplays, but often out-psyches his opponents. Duncan has also stated that
he especially likes his bank shot saying: "It is just easy for me. It just
feels good." Lets take a peek at some numbers real quick: Only 5 forwards have
EVER had more career rebounds than Tim. Only 4 forwards have EVER scored more
points. And no forward has EVER had more career blocks. When you consider these
numbers along with 2 MVP’s, 14 time all-star, 4 championship rings, and is the
ONLY player to be named to both all-NBA and all-Defensive teams during each of
first 13 seasons, you almost have to give him the greatest big forward ever don’t you?
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| Hard to hate him now, huh? |
Sometimes in order to appreciate athletes that are actually good
citizens, and not put on a pedestal because they are simply athletes, we need
to look at the shit that has become professional sports. My goal is to
make you have a new found appreciation for Timmy. Trust me, I didn’t want to.
The thought of producing a blog about Tim Duncan alone is almost blogger
suicide. Thoughts that people will have as much interest reading this, as they
will an instruction booklet for a self colonoscopy, is mildly upsetting. But I want everyone to sit-back and
appreciate the NBA playoffs this year, especially professor Duncan. If you don’t appreciate him for what he
“does”, do it for what he “doesn’t”.
Check this rant….
Want a stat
that will absolutely blow your mind? Since 2000 there have been 657 players
arrested in the NFL. Yes, you heard that right. (This number only includes players
that were arrested while ON a roster. So
Titus Youngs 3 arrests last week would NOT be included in this number) And that is just the number I can find. Think
about how many have been unreported, mis-reported, or simply hidden from the
records because “money talks”. But we dont care that seemingly 90% of every player
in the league is a thug. We don’t care
that every Sunday we cheer on horrible citizens because they are bigger,
faster, and stronger than anyone else. I dont give a crap who you killed, just get me some fantasy points! I don’t care that the Vikings threw a
boat-cruise party that allegedly involved sexual assault, drugs,
alcohol, prostitution, and everything else I would consider I good time. Im actually bummed I wasnt invited. The
affidavit reports that Viking players were receiving oral sex performed on them
while the crew of the boat watched. Creeps. Who watches and tattles, and
doesn't wait in line? Regardless, I still wear my purple jerseys with pride. There are
so many athletes getting arrested we are immune to it, and you just figure
everyone has been in trouble so why not just support them? This makes no sense
especially when the one persons jersey we should buy, Timmy, we shun. I’ll buy
an Allen Iverson jersey to help support his bankruptcy, legal restitutions, and
because it’s cool, I just don’t want to turn my TV to TNT and see Timmy doing
cross-over, up-and-unders against the Bobcats.
Seriously Tim, take your Philanthropic efforts elsewhere you dork.
We would rather watch JR Smith and Carmelo fist fight each other
on who can get the worst shots up, or who has the most repulsive tattoos, than
watch Timmy add ring number 5 to his collection. Is there a worse PERSON in the
NBA than the entire Knicks team? I used to HATE the Denver Nuggets of 4 yrs
ago. Why? Because of Melo, Smith, Kenyon Martin, and the “birdman”. Thinking
about how BAD they are for basketball, being teammates in general, their
ridiculous tattoos, the off-court issues, dirty play, constantly running of their
mouths without any merit of championships makes me hate them. (This is where
this "sports guy" gets "disgruntled") Check out the rap
sheet on JR Smith. My most HATED person
in the NBA. Ever:
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| This jackass is whats wrong with professional sports. |
On February 2, 2007, Smith
and teamate Carmelo Anthony were involved in a car accident. Neither player was
injured in the collision. The only detail released by the team was that the car
J. R. was driving belonged to Anthony.
(I wonder why?)
On June 9, 2007, Smith and
two passengers were injured in a car accident when the SUV he was driving
collided with another car. Smith and a passenger, Andre Bell, were ejected from
the vehicle at around 5:30 p.m. Smith's vehicle appeared to have gone through a
stop sign and collided with the other car. Smith was taken to Jersey Shore
University Hospital. Bell suffered serious head wounds before being
pronounced dead on the night of June 11. Neither Smith nor the second
passenger suffered life-threatening injuries. Smith and Bell were not wearing
seatbelts at the time. In October 2008, a grand jury in New Jersey
declined to indict Smith on a vehicular manslaughter charge stemming from the
accident.
On June 30, 2009, Smith
pled guilty to the June 2007 accident. Smith was initially sentenced to 90 days
in a Monmouth County (N.J.) jail, but 60 of those days were suspended, on the
condition that he completes 500 hours of community service. On July 31, 2009,
the Denver Post reported that Smith was released from jail after serving only
24 days of his sentence.
On August 28, 2009, Smith
was suspended 7 games for the 2009–2010 NBA season because of his guilty plea
in the 2007 reckless driving incident. The NBA also cited his poor driving
record as grounds for the suspension. Smith's
driving record included five suspensions in eight months, but was "in good
standing" at the time of the crash in New Jersey. He was required to pay
restoration fees and fines. Smith totaled 27 points against his record from
April 2005 to January 2006, including eight violations on seven different days.
Five citations were for speeding. Since the accident, he has received two more
speeding tickets and three license suspensions in New Jersey.
On August 5, 2009 Smith
closed his Twitter account (jr_smith1) because he was accused of writing in a
way that reflected the Bloods gang, specifically replacing his c's with k's.
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| JR Smiths girlfriend is such a keeper. |
In March 2012 Smith was
fined $25,000 by the NBA for posting a picture of model Tahiry Jose on his
Twitter account.
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| This is what a professional basketball player (JR) thinks is "ok" to post to his twitter account. And he made 3 million dollars this year. |
In May 2012, Smith was
arrested in Miami for failing to appear in court in 2011 (for operating a
motor-scooter with no valid license).
Oh I’m not done yet with Mr. Smith. After researching this cat ,I
also found out some awesome things that everyone should know, because well, it’s
pretty damn comical what a clown this guy is. So much of a clown, remember
those awful tattoos I told you about? Smith has a giant (and by giant, I mean
his entire back) tattoo of clown. Oh wait there's more. You'll never guess what the phrase above the
clown says??? YEP, you guessed it: JUST KLOWNIN'...How deep, intellectual, and
spiritual. The next time someone mentions J.R. Smith in a sentence, right
before you tell them "you know he killed his best friend in a car wreck?"
you should say "you know he has a giant clown tattooed on his back that
says "just klownin" right?!...With a K?!" I know if I just murdered my best friend in a
car wreck the FIRST tattoo I would get would be a giant back piece with “JUST
KLOWNIN”. Some of his other rad tats are
flames on his arms that say "through the fire", the words
"swish" on his neck, and the phrase "in love with my money"
on his chest. What a butthole. Actually,
what an ass Klown.
Last year the Knicks asked him to remove his Twitter account
because he has no common sense. He once responded back to a female who tweeted
to him "Im going to your game tonight" his response "you tryin
to get that pipe"? Although that is
completely funny, it frustrates me that this guy makes tens of millions a year,
but isn’t enough of a grown up to successfully manage a twitter account.
He was fined $25,000 for posting a picture of his porn-star
girlfriends ass laying on his bed, in his hotel room while she was watching TV.
The caption read "its kind of hard to concentrate on the game with a view
like this". Thanks boo...
J.R.'s father who also played basketball is quoted as saying in an
interview "Defense was the last thing I taught him. You can make it to the
league without defense." Every basketball coach in the world just puked in
their mouth. Another awesome quote from his dad "you know what I told J.R?
I told him, 'Every time you get in, shoot it! He's going to take you out
anyway. So you might as well shoot it" I guess that explains how JR has
developed such great shot selection. I tried to play a drinking game once. It
was: everytime JR pulls a 25 footer with more than 18 seconds left on the shot
clock everyone drinks. We all blacked out by half-time.
Two years ago during the NBA lockout some of the ballers left to
play overseas to make extra cash. Smith was one of those playing for the
Zhejiiang Bulls in China. In his contract though he needed it to say he would
show up for practice when he wanted. Some of the Chinese players interviewed said
he almost never showed up for practice. Just games. The coach said JR missed
over 80 practices in 4 months! This makes me think about the stereo-type that
China has with the work ethic of Americans, and how they outwork us,
out-practice us, out-study us, etc... Then JR Smith shows up and does this.
Great example of the USA huh? He also was forced to sign a contract this year with the Knicks that
said he would have a curfew of 2am on game-nights. Yes, he was forced to be in
his room on nights before a game, by 2 am. What a teammate! Another great story
I read about JR in China, was when his sister came to visit him, and watch some
games. In the 3 games she watched, she started 2 brawls in the stands. She was
quoted as saying "I didnt even start the last one!" (This is all true
stuff people. There really are human being like this, that make MILLIONS of
dollars)
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| Picture taken before game 5 of the Boston series. What a teamate! |
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| Rihanna tweets JR on BLAST! |
Now, how about Carmelo? The most overrated player in the league. Led the league in scoring. Cool. Guess
what else he did? He averaged 6.9 rebounds a game!!! He's 6'9"! He
averaged 1 more rebound a game than PG, Russell Westbrook and 1 more than Kobe.
We know rebounding and defense is mostly effort. Melo averaged less rebounds per game than
Paul George, and the same as Evan Turner, both guards. 37th in the league in
rebounding! How does he EVER get in ANY MVP discussions? Nice effort Melo.
37th??!! This year Kobe should win an NBA record first-team defense for his
10th year! Kevin Garnett, The "glove" Gary Payton, and a guy named
Jordan, have all won first team all-defense 9 times. Previously mentioned Tim
Duncan, (before I started ranting on the Knicks) has 8 respectively. Guess how
many times Melo has won either 1st, 2nd or 3rd team? Yep. The same number of
rings he has. No coincidence. Coaches and fans listen up: If you want your kids
to idolize, or look-up to basketball players, think about who gives the most
effort, and who is not a criminal. Think about who rebounds and who plays
defense. Melo is the worst at effort-related stats!! Want another stat that will
knock your New York Knickerbocker Socks off? Melo has the worst playoff winning
percentage for ANY player in NBA history. I can think of some stats I would NOT
want to be associated with. Wilts 20,000 is not one of those. Thats impressive. This one is.
Watching the Knicks should make you hate basketball, not like it. Watching a game
film of JR Smith and Carmelo should be punishment for coaches that get too many
technical’s during the season. But what it should really do is give you an
appreciation for San Antonio and Timmy. San Antonio is the antithesis of Carmelo and the Knicks. The Spurs do everything "ugly" and win. The Knicks do everything flashy and lose.
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| Wilt claimed to have slept with 20000 different women in his playing days. Lets crunch some numbers: If Wilt started at the age of 15, and went to 55, he would have had 40 years to crush 20K. Thats 500 per year or 1.4 per day. Is this the most amazing sport stat ever? I barely have enough time in my day to shower?? |
As I
write this blog is it ironic that Timmy just crushed my injury-ridden Lakers
and beat up the youngsters from Golden State, averaging 17.5 ppg, 7.5 rpg, shooting over 50% from the floor, and JR Smith has
already been suspended a game for losing his temper and throwing an elbow at
Jason Terry and is averaging 33% from the field, in this year’s playoffs (
starting to write this after the Knicks dressed up for the game in all black
outfits to symbolize the "death" of the Celtics in game 5. Celtics
win, and force a game 6! As a Laker fan, Im not supposed to root for the
Celtics, however, when a team like the Knicks dresses in all black and gets
beat, I love it!) Carmelo after the first 5 games of the playoffs was averaging 30 ppg. Great, he’s also
shooting 39% from the field, averaging 1 assist and .2 offensive rebounds per
game! Yes, there is a decimal in-front of the 2. Smith is averaging 16ppg but
is shooting 38% from the field and ave 1.5 assists per game....as a
guard...When asked where he'll be watching the game while he got suspended,
Smith replied "I get a day off man, I’m going golfing". It’s more embarrassing that if you ask a thousand 14 year-olds who is their favorite player is,
more will say JR Smith and Carmelo over Duncan? See what I mean? We're getting
old.
So this year instead of changing the channel everytime the boring Spurs are on, try and watch. Watch tattoo-less, no criminal record, no chest beating, psychology degree holding, boring hookshot, and hardworking Timothy Theodore Duncan, be more productive on both ends of the floor than anyone. Reflect that you’re witnessing a "dinosaur" about to go into extinction. In 30 years the NBA will be filled with "JR Smiths" taking horrible shots just to make sportscenter and get attention. We'll be telling our kids and grandkids what it was like back in the old days. Back when basketball players used to have jumpshots, gave effort, were not a detriment to society, and had a sweet mid-range game. Ahhh those were the days....(cue Springsteins "glory days” Im going shopping for a Duncan jersey and short shorts)
